life: family planning
I’m not pregnant, but someday I will be. Tom and I have been talking lately about how soon that “someday” should be. He had a biological clock moment a few weeks ago, perhaps due to a round digit birthday approaching in a month (the big “3-0″). Out of nowhere, he suggested that maybe 2 years, a number we had been throwing around, was too far away. Yikes!!
After I got over my shock, part of me agreed with him and part of me didn’t. Really, what are we waiting for? We are never going to feel financially ready. We are never going to be 100% willing to give up our current personal freedoms. I’m never going to get excited about a year without regular wine consumption. And we can’t control what time all of our friends are going to be ready either. Someone is just going to have to go first.
So… I’ve started my bucket list for having a child aka things I feel I need to do, or at least try to, before deciding to let nature take its course. Some of these might seem strange, but I think having experiences as a measure instead of time or money is wiser. At some point I will decide that going on another trip is not as important as having a child to me in my life, and then the list will go out the window. But as of right now, here is what I’m thinking…
TRAVEL
1. I want to go on another vacation out of the country (Ontario doesn’t count)
2. I want to go on a vacation with friends (Arcadia doesn’t count)
3. I want to go camping outside of Michigan
List items #1-3 could be combined in any shape or form. Perhaps a road trip with Nick & Carrie to Quebec, with a night camping near the Finger Lakes in New York. I just know that we are going to have a different kind of vacation when we have a child, and I want to embrace that. Sure, we could go alone and find a family member to babysit, but I think I’m actually going to be excited to show my child new experiences. I just want to make sure I get one more adult vacation in before then.
CAREER
4. I want to speak at a conference
5. I want to write a blog that gets more than 1000 page views
List item #4 is going to put me way outside my comfort zone, but it is a personal accomplishment I just feel like I need to do before my career becomes a lesser priority. I’m putting my career on a pretty high importance level in my life currently, and I don’t think it will be that way in 2 years, I don’t think I will want it to be.
COOKING
6. I want to cook a multi-course wine paired menu
7. I want to have used every spice in my cabinet at least once
In coming up with list item #7, I actually thought I would have more spices to list, but it turns out there are only a handful: cardamon, nora pepper, pink salt, ras-el hanout, tumeric, za’atar blend, paella blend. I probably have used each of these with an array of other spices before, but I really want to make something that features each of these spices. Looks like I’ll be trying paella again… hopefully it will go better this time around.
ENTERTAINMENT
8. I want to spend an entire day in pajamas watching movies
9. I want to make one more Strickland brothers production
Five years ago, neither one of these would seem like odd requests, but they have been increasingly more and more rare. With Lon & Roxy in LA and weekends dedicated to actual household tasks, these are certainly events that don’t come often and should be treasured. I’m sure that my husband will be more than happy to comply with list item #8, especially if it includes wine and cheese.
HEALTH
10. I want to bike for an entire day
I’m not a marathon runner or a tri-athlete. I wouldn’t even say that I would want to go on one of those across the state biking trips. I am just not that serious of a biker. But, I would like to try and push myself more than I am. Even if it was a leisurely trip that included picnics and stops at wineries along the way, I’d just like to say that I spent an entire day biking around.
So that’s it. Doesn’t seem like a lot, but it will probably be 2010 before they all get accomplished. Now if I can just convince a few of my friends and family members (looking in the general direction of Roxy) to get started with their lists 
RECENT WINES
June 30th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
TRAVEL
1. I want to go on another vacation out of the country (Ontario doesn’t count)
2. I want to go on a vacation with friends (Arcadia doesn’t count)
3. I want to go camping outside of Michigan
ANSWER: Grandparents are the answer to this. You can travel far and near and with or without child. The key is ‘grandparents’. The more the better. There is to be no ‘guilt’ attached. You can travel and enjoy. Your child, left behind, will be having a blast with grandparents, learning and creating experiences for a lifetime. Remember that you dearest blog-master changed your last name to ‘Dotson’ because you spent extended period of time with grandparents while Mom and Dad were travelling.
CAREER
4. I want to speak at a conference
5. I want to write a blog that gets more than 1000 page views
ANSWER: What the heck does this have to do with a child? This is not ‘stop-and-start’. It is a balance and continuity. You can speak well without or without child. You can create a fantastic blog without or without child. A child is a source of new knowledge and inspiration. Perhaps that conference and that blog would be far better – with a child.
COOKING
6. I want to cook a multi-course wine paired menu
7. I want to have used every spice in my cabinet at least once
In coming up with list item #7, I actually thought I would have more spices to list, …
ANSWER: Refer to#4-5.
ENTERTAINMENT
8. I want to spend an entire day in pajamas watching movies
9. I want to make one more Strickland brothers production
ANSWER: Refer to#4-5. Hey, a baby would prefer to snuggle up against some comfy pajamas, more than a starched business suit. There is a 50-50 chance that this Strickland brothers production could include ‘one more brother’ (or little nephew). If not, then another ‘editor’.
HEALTH
10. I want to bike for an entire day
ANSWER: You can bike with child. If ‘en utero’, then you can still bike. If after, then bikes have wonderful strap-on carriers for children newborn to 4 years old. Remember my sweet blog-master, you were strapped onto a bike very early in your life. A child does not sit outside the realm of health – a child is another reason to spend more time there.
There is no one place to plug a child into your life, because any place it happens will become the most amazing experience!!! You MY CHILD are living proof!!!!
Love, your Wise Mumsy
June 30th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Yeah yeah yeah… but you are biased because you get to become a grandmother
I know what you are saying. None of these really hinge on anything. I could have a baby tomorrow. It’s more what stuff I feel like I emotionally want to do in the next year or so.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:49 am
Sigh… Funny enough for me there is only one big thing that keeps me from feeling ready to have a baby myself and it’s money. I hate that it has to be that way, but we really REALLY are not financially ready for a baby and sadly I can not forsee a time when we will be. I’m sure Lon would have many many more things on his list. He wants a child, but he could probably produce a slew of other reasons why we are not ready. But we can try to help you out with your list when we come to visit… a day of movies and a new Strickland production… we’ll see what we can do. I would hope that in a couple of years Lon and I could at least be seriously considering babytime…
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:16 am
I with your very wise mummy. Besides the cooking. I find myself with less time for creating fancy meals, but that could be just me and/or my mac&cheez loving daughter.
July 9th, 2008 at 10:47 am
So, Roxy is going to help me take care of #8 and #9 next weekend. I’m not too far from from completely #6 or #7 (I’ve been using cardamon and pink salt lately).
Turns out that I had already completed #5 without realizing it. My blog at Organic about Facebook Apps, http://threeminds.organic.com/2008/04/are_facebook_apps_the_new_bran.html, trafficked over 2K pageviews. It also gained some interest from a professional Facebook blog that may have me write articles for them. And, a PR firm that works for Organic that will help me to accomplish #4.
Not too much left after that. Yikes!! Babies
July 18th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Go hike the Inca Trail with some friends. That will cover all of your travel goals.
I also agree with your mother. There is no perfect time to have a baby.